Musings

Yesterday, my friends Amy and Marcie and little Zebadee (21 months) went to Amish country. Well, actually it is only about 30 minutes from here, it is a smaller settlement than farther north. Beth and I tried to go this summer and it never worked out. It was a fun day, everywhere we drove we heard these excited screams of cow and then a long moo, horse and a long naa, etc. We saw all kinds of animals and went into all kinds of Amish stores (attached to their homes). This set-up is much less than in PA where it was so very neat and orderly and also torist aimed. But we had a fun time and gave Christopher, Marcie's husband, a chance to get some much needed work done on a paper at home. Laundry anyone?

They need help with the plowing - any volunteers?

Then I came home and watched several movies. One is Martian Child, it was very well done. In essence it is about the challenges of adopting a child, not an infant a child, but in the end love won out and they were happy. The other is Mr. Mgorium's Wonder Emporium, Asia had recommended it on here blog so I checked it out. I liked it a lot, it was cute but also has a good message and is rated G -weird! My favorite line from the movie was "Your life is an occasion rise to it!" I like that saying - I think it is easy not do that.

In the Ensign this month President Monson talks about three things we should do, 1. learn from the past, 2. prepare for the future, and 3. live in the present. I thought the message from the movie helped me see how all three can work together -she Molly had to learn to do those things to keep the store and be happy. I know that the Lord blesses us with everything we need to do those three things we just have a tendency to over look those things. I was talking with one of my wonderful co-workers, Karen, about faith and answers to our prayers. It is really nice to be able to share faith inspiring stories with those of other faiths, it reminds me over and over how good people are.

Shelly received awesome news this weeks - CA finally put the adoption into motion - now all we have to do is wait on TX and pray for a open docket sometime between now and July so that we can all be there in Nauvoo and seal our Joy to us! It will be awesome - I just have faith that the Lord will allow it to happen - definitely a righteous desire. I am so happy for them.

Waiting for Comp Orals

Wow - I thought that studying for comps was bad - well waiting for orals is much worse. I was sent my answers so anyone that would like to read them and tell me if I actually answered the whole question for each one that would be great. There is still one part a question that I don't really know how to answer and I am not sure where to go for the answer. So this is miserable - I was of course reading through the graduate handbook and there is that line that says if you don't pass your orals than you are out of the program, well that made me feel so much better. I know that I need to just relax and try and figure out where the holes in my answers are but it is hard to read the answers and not get even more nervous. So there is my venting - it is really scary to be here and not know what is going to happen next. I sure hope everything works out, but all in all I know that I did my best and I can't do anything more at this point, except pray.

Day 2, San Diego, Easter

Well, for anyone that I haven't already told - it seems that day 2 of comps went as well as day 1. Now what that really means - who knows. I will be finding out the first week of April and until then I am teaching and just hanging out.

San Diego was wonderful. I will post picture when I get them from Mama. It was beautiful and lush and the weather was wonderful. We went to the zoo and to Legoland and both places were wonderful. I got to see Cyndi, Jeremy, Andrew, Jacob and Michael as well as Mama, Daddy, Nathan and Mandy. We had a ton of fun hanging out, going on fun rides and getting sunburned (mainly me).

We got to meet Kathy and Uncle Buzzy for the same time and really realize that we have very rich relatives somewhere. What an amazing house, the kitchen would make any chef jealous. All in all it was a great time and I am finding that I need a vacation from my vacation.

Yesterday, for Easter I went to Amy's house for Easter Brunch before church and then to church were we had a wonderful sacrament and then an awesome combined sharing time where we had 5 witnesses come and "testify" in court of the Savior. Peter, Thomas, Mary Magdalen, a Nephite woman and Joseph Smith all testified of the Living Christ. Music was interspersed and it was wonderful - the Spirit was very strong. The kids did great and it was enjoyable. Then later I went to my friends home Christopher and Marcie Bottoms and Amy joined us for dinner. We then "hid" 3 dozen colored eggs for Zebadee and helped her find them in hard places like the grass and the sidewalk. She was really cute and kept saying egg and then plopping the eggs in the container. She will be 2 in the middle of June so this is really her first fun Easter. All in all it was a great day and I enjoyed the opportunity to think about my personal witness that I know that the Savior lives and loves me.

Day 1

Well, it seems like day one went fairly well. It was a little scattered and no one seemed to know what they were doing, so that I would know what to do, but beyond that everything seemed to go fine. I really want to fix my questions already but it seems the time is past so I will move forward and hope that my recollection of what I wrote was good enough to move forward. I am excited to be able to move forward with the process of the degree so here goes nothing I guess. I think the hardest part was not having a mouse for the computer that has Word 2007 on it - which I hate because I can't figure out where anything is and when you only have 1.5 hours to write something finding something is not what you want to be doing - without a mouse spell check was miserable and it took what seemed like forever to find it on the new program. I wrote about a total of 14 pages give or take today - it went so incredibly fast.

I wanted to thank everyone for their prayers and thoughts - I could definitely feel the added strength as I wrote today. I won't be able to post for a couple of days so hopefully tomorrow goes as well as today! Now we just have to wait until April 3rd to here how I did. I hope it was good enough and that I pass. :) I will continue to pray for that.

Tomorrow I go to San Diego - yeah! I talked to Mama today and she said that Lego Land is awesome! I am so glad that they are having a fun time.

Noah?!

Well, I have been thinking a lot about Noah lately(those of you who know me well, know I love the story and collect the boats - strange I am sure). I think that it is a combination of many things - getting ready for comps, reading a certain talk, reading my scriptures and then the talks I have heard at church lately. So, the other day I was driving in the rain to work and I started having all of these thoughts in consecutive motion per say, that in Noah's day preparation for the boat was very literal, they built a boat, today what is our preparation, what boat am I building? So, I thought about a talk I had read that talked about having the faith to do what the Lord wants now and then actually doing it, like Noah did, even when we don't understand. I thought about how in many ways our boats are reading our scriptures, pondering, fasting, praying, attending the temple, fulfilling our callings willingly, serving out of pleasure and not out of obligation. I thought about the parable about the 10 virgins, knowing that they represent LDS members, those that know what to do and chose not to do until the very end. The scary part is that I probably am one of those 5 that waited on some things, I know I am not perfect and generally don't worry about that but, I think about what I can be perfect at now and then realize how far I have to go.
Recently, there was this talk in church, Brother Hainsworth (1st counselor in Bishopric) gave the talk, he talked about keeping our lives in tune with the Lords. He used the example of tunning a guitar and how if you tune it to itself then it will sound good by itself but if two guitars are tuned to themselves and then try and play together then it sounds awful! That you need to tune both to the piano key of E and then they sound wonderful together. He went on to talk about how we have to tune our lives to that which the Lord has asked, and that it doesn't work the other way. That we need to take our views and bend them to meet the Lord not the other way around. It was a very powerful talk - I am doing a lousy job of explaining it.
So, thinking about that talk lead me to Zion's Camp (I am rereading the Work and Glory series and that is where I just finished). So in Zion's Camp the Lord asked for 500 men to go and redeem Zion (Jackson County). So faithfully 2oo and something ended up there - not nearly what the Lord asked, many decided not to come and felt they didn't need to head the Lord command. Those that went felt like they were being obedient - they were literally walking, sacrificing time, talent and means, they left their families and livelihoods and for that they should be commended. BUT they had terrible attitudes, many of them, there was fighting and murmuring, they did not want to head what the prophet asked of them, all and all they begrudgingly followed the prophet and the Lord in the end, especially when it got hard. In the end the Lord revoked his command to redeem Zion until a time that the Saints were more willing and obedient. If you have noticed that hasn't happened again, not sure what that says about us. But what I was thinking about all of that is that they went but didn't have the right attitude, I do that sometimes - I will serve but not have my heart 100% in it, so is it really service.
Then I thought of people I know that have fallen away from the church for one reason or another. The sister I VT left because something was said about her family, Sharron has been struggling for a long time and even with help from her husband and people at church she has still stopped going to church. It makes me rethink all of my previous ideas and efforts in regards to the less active or inactive members of the church. It has become much more personal to me.

So, what does that have to do with Noah - everything I think. Am I ready and willing to follow the Lords will for me even when it is hard, Elizabeth is teaching me a lot about that right now, is my testimony centered on the rock of our Redeemer and Savior so that when the winds come, like in Helaman 5, I will be ready. Am I ready to do what he wants me to do, say what he wants me to say and be what he wants me to be? I don't know the answer to that but I do know that I am trying. Studying for comps and has me wonder about my study of the gospel. I feel like comps is one of the biggest tests of my life and I have studied harder than any other time in my life. But what does that say about me as a student of the gospel, isn't the test everyday? Well, I am sure you are tired of reading my ramblings. I am very excited that the test is on Monday and Tuesday and that it will be done - I hope and pray that I will not freeze up and that I will be able to perform well.

Daylight Savings Time

I think that my last post has been my favorite for the comments I have gotten (you should check them out), I am still waiting on Asia, Donna, Mama, and Suzan to comment (it is always interesting to hear from someone in construction about houses). To answer Cyndi's question of what the second picture is of, it is a home that I found when typed in "dream home" into Yahoo. I love the way the outside looks and it is actually a one story which I love, now it probably double what I want to spend but dreaming doesn't hurt anyone. It is really fun to dream - I think that it is a necessary part of life and maybe someday it will come true. All we have to do is be patient and work hard - at least that is what the American dream idea teaches us! :)

I hate daylight savings time in the Spring! I love the one in the Fall where I get to sleep for a whole other hour but, losing one throws my body off for what seems like weeks. Today I forgot and when I turned on my computer it was not 8:20 like I thought it was 9:20. Good thing that church is not until 11:30 (which by the way might be my least favorite time for church - especially in the primary and nursery). So, now for the next few days I have to fight off sleep all day long - I have no idea how one hour can be so hard on your body - I think whomever thought of this whole idea needs to be talked to severely and put in a very long time out.

I only have 1 week and a day until my big test. I think I am hitting panic mode because I feel like I know less now then I did a month ago. I am so worried that I will get on the test and freeze up - as most of you know test are not my strong suit but it is essay form so that should be better anyways. I just keep praying that my mind will be clear and that I will be able to remember what I have learned and be able to express that clearly on paper. I guess it will come down to what the questions are and how much I know about those ideas.

Dream Home?

What is your dream home like? I was talking to my friend Collin and we were talking about him buying a home and what that actually is. He of course is uncertain of what that consists of at this point and what it might be in the future. So, what do you buy today that will be what you want in the future. My friend Alexa is currently buying a house and is so it is very exciting for her.
What do I want? Collin said a front door would be nice and I agree. What would yours be? Big or little, two-story or one, 3 bedrooms or 4, how many baths? Would you want land or a nice little cul-de-sac?I would love to build a steal home on Mama and Daddy's land in Houston. I want it to be on the right side of the property over by the stream - there is a little cove among the trees. I want it to be one story with a large kitchen and I would love to have an enclosed porch on the back of the house. I want a guest bedroom, a craft room and a master bedroom that would be a office too. I want a big bathtub, because I love baths. I guess we will see what happens in the future.

Adultness

In my last post I mentioned that I had to buy a vacuum cleaner, so I succumbed and bought one from the Kenmore website - it was 1/2 price, still more than I wanted to pay but it did get almost a perfect 5 out of 5 from the real people reviewers, so I am trusting in them to pull through for me. There is something almost pathetic about the purchases that become exciting as an adult. This summer I had the weirdest experience buying a washer and dryer. I felt like by the end that they were going to pay me to take it away. Beth was here and can back up that strange situation were I got a very nice set for about $350 less than I should have and then they gave me back delivery and they were running a special so I got a $50 gift card to LOWES, and someone bought the old set for $50 (I didn't think it was worth that much). The whole thing was surreal, nice but surreal.

You all should be proud I have been studying, making nice little cards to memorize with, and spending entirely too much time with these subjects, hopefully it will payoff.

I give my first test of the semester on Friday and today was the optional review day. I was there to answer any questions that they had - the first hour went the whole time - they asked good questions and seems to get good answers - we will see I guess. The second class only asked two questions which took about 30 minutes to address. I was happy I got to go home early - and they think they are the only ones that want to do that. :)
On Sunday night Amy and I were having FHE, everyone else was sick, and I decided we should read Elder Bednar's Talk "The Tender Mercies of the Lord,” (May 2005, p99-102), I had felt all day that I should read it and that is were we get our lesson from (the Ensign - Conf. Issue) so Amy was game and so we started to read it. It is so powerful that I had a hard time in some places when it was my turn to keep my voice steady (strange I know :0 - I am never emotional) but I thought I would share some of the things I found very profound.
"Let me suggest that one of the ways whereby the Savior comes to each of us is through His abundant and tender mercies. For instance, as you and I face challenges and tests in our lives, the gift of faith and an appropriate sense of personal confidence that reaches beyond our own capacity are two examples of the tender mercies of the Lord. "
"The Lord’s tender mercies do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Faithfulness, obedience, and humility invite tender mercies into our lives, and it is often the Lord’s timing that enables us to recognize and treasure these important blessings."
"We should not underestimate or overlook the power of the Lord’s tender mercies. The simpleness, the sweetness, and the constancy of the tender mercies of the Lord will do much to fortify and protect us in the troubled times in which we do now and will yet live. When words cannot provide the solace we need or express the joy we feel, when it is simply futile to attempt to explain that which is unexplainable, when logic and reason cannot yield adequate understanding about the injustices and inequities of life, when mortal experience and evaluation are insufficient to produce a desired outcome, and when it seems that perhaps we are so totally alone, truly we are blessed by the tender mercies of the Lord and made mighty even unto the power of deliverance (see 1 Ne. 1:20)."
"Some individuals who hear or read this message erroneously may discount or dismiss in their personal lives the availability of the tender mercies of the Lord, believing that “I certainly am not one who has been or ever will be chosen.” We may falsely think that such blessings and gifts are reserved for other people who appear to be more righteous or who serve in visible Church callings. I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are available to all of us and that the Redeemer of Israel is eager to bestow such gifts upon us."
"I know that He lives and that His tender mercies are available to all of us. Each of us can have eyes to see clearly and ears to hear distinctly the tender mercies of the Lord as they strengthen and assist us in these latter days. May our hearts always be filled with gratitude for His abundant and tender mercies."

This talk is fast approaching my favorite talk. It is beautiful and powerful and filled with wisdom. I will add my testimony to it that I know the Lord knows our needs, desires, pain and is there to help. I see the tender mercies in my life when I pay attention but they are always there and with faith they can just grow. I love you all and hope that you can find peace, contentment and love in the Saviors love.

Weekly News

Well, this week I have been a slacker with posting. I have had plenty to say just haven't found the time to do it. I am growing ever closer to taking my comps (16 days left) and I am getting more and more anxious. I know that if I do my part the Lord will help me but when is enough and when have I done my part? I am to the point where I have printed off my pages and pages of notes and now I have to just sit and read and reread them. This week was crazy busy with other things and so I didn't spend as much time as I would have liked studying and the test is soon!!!!!!!!

I am really excited that I am going to go to CA in just a few weeks and get to see part of my family. I am also excited that comps will be done and that I can move onto writing my grant and getting that part finished. I finished writing and submitting my abstracts this week :)
I wrote a test, study sheet and created a learning activity this week as well. My planning ahead has been wonderful but when I need it most, right now, is when I run out of planned lessons so I am spending time creating lectures when I should be studying - this is a crazy month!

I was hired by a person in CA to do some internet library research for her and now I am trying to fit it into my weeks, I said yes because she is paying me $15 an hour to sit at my computer and find her articles for her research. That I can do and the money will be helpful. I will do exciting things like buy a new vacuum cleaner and pay rent and buy groceries. Boy do I have an exciting life.

My last two posts have been about the Larson's in some way and so I thought I would share part of an email I got this week from them. First off, they wanted to name her a special name and the one they chose is Zion-Grace Elizabeth Larson. It is growing on me - Liz had said that it would not be a name that they would call a child here on earth but one that is blessed to return to Father so quickly.
Here is part of the email:
"Elizabeth and I are doing great. We are both experiencing a peaceful sadness but are comforted with the knowledge that after the resurrection we will have the opportunity to raise this little baby until she becomes an adult. But most of all we are comforted to know that she will be part
of our family for time and all eternity and that we will have forever to get to know her. The miracle that we are praying for is that as long as it is HeavenlyFathers will we would like to be able to spend a few hours with her while she is still alive. And we would like to invite you to join us with your faith, prayer and fasting that we might receive that miracle.

If you are interested in learning more about her condition you can visit
http://prenatalpartnersforlife.org/ and look up the stories on the
babies with Anencephaly
<http://prenatalpartnersforlife.org/Stories/AnencephalyStoriesIndex.htm>

They also have an amazing music video that has brought me a lot of comfort over the past few days. I HIGHLY recommend you take the time to listen to it. The song starts up automatically when you visit their website."

I would check out the website - it is nice and helpful to understand what is actually happening with them. I also found another site http://www.anencephalie-info.org/e/index.php - the pictures here are good ones - not scary but give a good understanding of what Zion-Grace will probably look like. With that said I would not google anencephaly images for it - they are quit graphic and honestly a little scary. The nurses I work with said that it is more common than you might think, I read that it happens in about 1000 pregnancies every year in the US, so that seems pretty rare to me.

So if you need something to fast about from now until the first week of June when Zion-Grace will be born you have something. I continue to feel the peace that only comes with the Spirit and am so grateful.

I went and saw Vantage Point tonight with Amy and it is a pretty cool movie - they did a nice job creating it - you should check it out. Well to all my faithful readers I love you tons and miss you all. Have a wonderful sabbath!