Grad School

Sometimes I get so frustrated with graduate school - I hate the politics, the lack of explanation on what is expected, the complete lack of a time line, and faculty that seem to have their own timetable completely. On Thursday I prepared to turn in my grant ( a couple of weeks early) and my advisor seem to think that was absurd. I really don't understand - why is it bad to finish the comps process in 9 months instead of 10 or 11? So, as I was talking with her I asked what was next - I know I have to write my proposal but what does that consist of,etc.? And she said "oh you will have to revise your grant it will not be good enough - everyone has to". I wanted to scream - WHY? WHY? WHY? What makes this process so special that no one can pass on their first try - it might build their confidence? As you can tell I am a bit frustrated. So, I had planned to spend a little more time with it but decided no - if they are going to give it back to me then I might as well turn it in and see what they have to complain about. So, I turned it in (by email) and now wait to see what they say. In my email I said that I wanted to get specific feedback, not it is just not good enough - because that is not helpful nor does it aide in the "learning process" that they are so convinced that this is! I am convinced that it is something else but I will not say because I am a good Mormon girl - at least I try to be! :)
So, I went to bed that night so incredibly frustrated and wanting to just leave - pack up and move home and so I complained to Heavenly Father - He was the one that told me to come to this specific place - and as I complained I felt peace that it would be alright but, I didn't sleep very well that night still frustrated and angry. When I got up on Friday and read my scriptures I read this:
" And I will ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions...."the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord." ~ Mosiah 24:14-15. Yet, again the Lord hear my cries and answers so quickly - I felt so grateful and blessed. I can't image what people do without prayer and the scriptures. I can't say that I like the process of my PhD anymore but I don't feel the burden at all! It is such a blessing. I sat and thought about how they were cheerful and patient and was humbled by my impatience - I just want it done right now - I don't want to wait any longer and there is a process for everything. My friend Alison has taught me about patience and perseverance in the past two years as her committee has continually rejected what she is writing, her ideas, etc. and borne her burdens with patience. As I pondered upon the things that I was experiencing and the time that it takes to do anything here I was enlightened at little in what the Lord wants me to use the time for and that made me feel more at peace. And then that same day I was given a long list of things I need to write or prepare for my job with extension. Several journal articles and abstracts, 2 small grants, etc. all of which will look wonderful on my CV - that made things seem better.

Different thought completely - I have had this uneasy/anxious feeling lately - I think most of the Ball girls feel it from time to time - a gift passed on by our mother. I just feel like I need to prepare for something big - what is it, when is it come (date and time, please), what do I need to do, is it good, bad, fun, terrible - I just want to know. I hope that it is wonderful and happens soon because it is driving me crazy. :)

I am very grateful that all of the people I know and love in Houston are fine and that minimal damage was done to their properties - it is much easier to replace a fence than a person! The Lord blessed us all with this hurricane.

Flooding

Well, here in Missouri we have also gotten a ton of rain (like my family in TX). It has rained on and off for about 4 days and today on the way to church I was given the visual of what that does here in Columbia. There are several creeks/streams that run throughout Columbia and I have to pass over one on the way to church - so off I went and when I got that point it was a little amazing. Everything for about 2 acres surrounding the creek was under water and in some points it was more like 10 acres. There is a in-door soccer building that was half way under water and the surrounding fields were completely flooded. I knew that it couldn't go on like it had (raining cats and dogs) but wow! This summer when Missouri, Iowa and Illinois were flooding we didn't have this much flooding!
Sorry no pictures - I don't carry my camera to church with me!

Spiritual Goals

On Sunday during Fast and Testimony meeting a sister was bearing her testimony about a woman whom she knew, that was not LDS, whom shared similar spiritual goals as she did and so they have created a great bond and friendship built on those things.

I listened thinking - that is really cool and then I had this conversation with myself - "what are your spiritual goals?" I thought well to build a stronger relationship with my Savior and Heavenly Father, to pray more often and more earnestly, to read my scriptures with more intensity and then the thought came - "well how is that different from 10 years ago?" "Well - I don't know - my testimony has increased, my faith is stronger, I know more, etc., etc. But I don't know that that is enough - I set goals to read certain church books, study in a certain way and when that is done then what do I do? I don't know that I know how to set goals like that." And so it continued through the day and into the week - my mind keeps coming back to the idea and wondering what I need to be doing to achieve such goals.

So, I thought back to YW and the personal progress program, which I have used since to set goals for myself, and started to wonder what goals I need to set. So, am I the only one that is like this - that sets goals and then achieves them and then "sorta forget to set more?" I don't know if it is just laziness/ idleness or just human nature.

So, the goal for the week is to set some spiritual goals that are long term in nature - ones that will last for years and allow me to accomplish small things along the way so that I know that the work I am doing is yielding some results.

What do you guys think about this? - maybe it is just me.

Saturday

Marcie and I headed to Amish country on Saturday morning and I took a bunch of pictures of the beautiful barns and landscape that Missouri has. I will greatly miss the landscape of Missouri, the rolling hills and farms - it is truly beautiful to me.

On Saturday afternoon we had a combined RS/YW service project yesterday - it was really nice and there was a lot of service that happened in a very short period of time. We made quilts for the church (they are in great need right now), made burrito babies that go to orphanages all over the world, colored more pictures for the quilts (like the ones we did at the family reunion) and made hats for Jeffery's orphanage in the Ukraine. It was incredible to see so many people working for the good of others. I walked in where they were making the hats for Jeffery's orphanage and I was so grateful for all the sisters and girls that were working diligently to make hats for little children that they will never meet. I was very grateful for them and helping others - services is definitely sweet. It was incredibly wonderful - the speaker was amazing and the Spirit was very strong. I helped Marcie with finishing up the decorations on Friday night and helped in the quilting room, the kitchen and with serving. I was very tired when I left at 7pm - it started at 2pm. It was really wonderful. From there I headed over to a wedding reception for one of the younger woman in the ward. It was beautiful and I was glad that I drug my very tired body over there.

Apple Picking

Friday Marcie, Zebadee and I went apple picking. It was a lot of fun and we plan to make apple sauce, apple butter and dried apple pieces as well. We picked about 2 bushels of apples and in case you are wondering that is a lot of apples. It was a fabulous price - $4 a bushel so $8 to get so many apples that they nearly filled Marcie's car trunk! It was a fun time, we had Zebadee on Marcie's shoulders at one point because the big ones were so high - couldn't get a picture because I was making sure Zebie didn't come crashing down. When we make the apple sauce I will take some more pictures.

I am an Aunt Again!!!

Laura had her baby today at 8:25am.  It is a little boy names Christopher Sterling Ball.

He weighed in at 8 pounds and was 20 inches long!

Congratulations Bob, Laura, Ethan, Bethany and Thomas we are so happy to have another future Elder Ball in our presence!

I Have Finshed Writing My Grant!!!!

Well, Saturday and today have been a fun filled Labor day weekend - I have done fun things like write, rewrite, look for more articles and write some more, but I am done with my grant - until I get feedback from my wonderful friends and family. I have sent emails off with the grant attached to many people but if you didn't get it and want to read it, help me by critiquing it then please let me know and I will send it your way! This morning I was almost giddy in anticipation of the time that I didn't have to try and write it any longer. The nature of a grant being that you have to be broad and specific all at the same time and of course not just make a long line (train car effect) of wonderful studies has given me a headache the last 2 months. I hope that the changes I need to make are not too terribly difficult but that it makes sense to people - that is the hope. I am just so excited that I feel free for a little while - I am going to go take a walk before FHE but I wanted to share the good news for me and that a nice little present may appear in your email mailboxes very soon! Thanks so much for helping me!