Repentance/Atonement

With Easter approaching and General Conference I have side stepped my regular scripture study and instead have been concentrating on the last week of the Saviors life and articles about the Atonement. Last night (Tuesday) I celebrated passover with my Jewish friends and again was reminded of the great symbolism. It is always a great experience but this year I knew it would most likely be my last with Alison, unless by some stroke of fate we end up living near each other again, so it was extra special. I don't have the pictures from Alison's camera yet but I will post them later in their own post.

It is cool that Passover and Easter are on the same week this year, sometimes it works that way but most years it hasn't. As I have been reading in the New Testament about the Saviors last weeks I have gained a even stronger appreciation for all that happened that week - the accusations, the parables, the Last Supper, Palm Sunday, etc.


In the Ensign this month there is a talk by Elder Oaks about the Atonement and Faith, here is a link to read it if you want.

I thought I would share a couple of quotes that were really good. He states: "We cannot have true faith in the Lord without also having complete trust in the Lord's will in the Lord's timing. As a result, no matter how strong our faith is, it cannot produce a result contrary to the will of Him in whom we have faith. Remember that when your prayers do not seem to be answered in the way or at the time you desire. The exercise of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is always subject to the order of heaven, to the goodness and will and wisdom and timing of the Lord. When we have that kind of faith and trust in the Lord, we have true security and serenity in our lives."

I really liked this analogy - he is talking about why it is important that we suffer when we repent.
" Why is it necessary for us to suffer on the way to repentance for serious transgressions? We tend to think of the results of repentance as simply cleansing us from sin, but that is an incomplete view of the matter. A person who sins is like a tree that bends easily in the wind. On a windy and rainy day, the tree bends so deeply against the ground that the leaves become soiled with mud, like sin, If we focus only on cleaning the leaves, the weakness in the tree that allowed it to bed and soil its leaves may remain. Similarly, a person who is merely sorry to be soiled by sin will sin again in the next high wind. The susceptibility to repetition continues until the tree has been strengthened. " It seems that with those sins that I easily seem to repeat it is because of this - I just haven't ever thought about it like this. True change and repentance takes time and effort - something that seems to be overlooked in lessons about how to repent.

He says " I conclude with a message of hope that is true for all but especially needed by those who think that repentance is too hard. Repentance is a continuing process needed by all because 'all have sinned, and com e short of the glory of God'. Repentance is possible, and then forgiveness is certain."

I am grateful for repentance - because I am so far from perfect. I am so grateful for the atonement of Jesus Christ and the opportunity we have to celebrate his Life and Resurection this Sunday while listening to the modern day leaders instruct us.

The Lord is in the Details

As I was sitting in my boring class today I thought a yummy smoothie would be perfect. So as I drove home I was hoping that I had some frozen strawberries and raspberries and some juice. And yeah for me I did - it was so yummy too - frozen raspberries, frozen strawberries, the last bit of strawberry sorbet, and pomegranate juice - oh so read and delicious!

So with my dissertation I have been struggling with the discussion section - I have written and rewritten that part over and over and nothing. Nothing at all that makes sense and that I like. So, I have been praying and praying that I would be lead to know what direction to go in. I kept having this feeling to read this book, well the last thing I really wanted to do was read another book. Yet, in the end I gave in and read the book or part of it anyway. As a result I completely changed the way I am looking at my dissertation and have more reading to do. But I have a better sense of what to do and am actually excited to write it. Weird thing for me!

In other news we have a firm date for the wedding! It is June 19th at 1pm. Talking with the temple and setting the time made everything seem much more real and exciting.

Engagement Pictures

Well, I promised that I would upload a couple of my favorite poses from the engagement session the other day.  There were a lot (257) and Rob and I both liked about 20 or so.  Certainly not going to upload them all - the new picture banner for the blog is a favorite of mine.

The one above was not my favorite but many other people, including Rob, like it.

Rob is not a fan of the angle on this but I think it is a good visual reminder for me that when things are hard that you just walk hand in hand together through it.

As you can probably tell I like black and white photos the best but thought I would throw in a couple that were color.

What do you guys think?  Which ones should I print and frame?  How many?

Always Changing

I was told that I hadn't updated this in a while so here goes nothing. Last weekend Rob and his lovely children came to Columbia just to see me. They stayed at my friends the Blacks house, thank you so much, and we all had a good time. Friday we had Shakespeare Pizza, it is a favorite in town and then played games and then went off to bed. Saturday at 8am Rob and I had engagement pictures taken - don't have them yet but will post my favorite ones when I get them. It was a chilly morning so a bit cold to be taking pictures but it worked out and we got back to the Blacks about 10 to get the kids.
For the rest of the day we went and looked at houses, ate lunch and then played at the park and then went and test drove a big van (12 passenger) - no we do not need that many seats now nor will we in the future but we will need something bigger than the minivan. That night the Blacks graciously feed the kids dinner, made smores with them and then watched a movie, while Rob and I went on a date all by ourselves.
Sunday, Brother Black had a 7 am meeting so I was at the Blacks house at 7am. We hung out, the kids ate breakfast and then we all went to church for choir practice. Rob was lucky because our stake had some remodeling going on that involved our ward so with all the "emotion" fewer people made the connection that Rob was my fiance and thus less people introduced themselves.

This week has been a productive one for me - starting to feel more and more like myself everyday. I am to the point in my dissertation that I really only have about 6-10 more pages to write and then a lot of editing to do. So, the hope is to have the draft to my advisor by Wednesday. I would really like to defend by the beginning of June but we will see how fast Jean is.

In my personal reading I have begun reading the conference talks again and there are several that really drew me in this last reading. I love Elder Bednar's talk about being more diligent and concerned at home - that there are the three main things we should focus on. 1 - expressing love and showing it, 2 - bearing our testimony to our family and living it, and 3 - being consistent. Maybe it is the fact that very soon I will be a mother or maybe it is that I need to work on these things regardless but I am grateful that the Spirit is there to bear witness of the importance of these things in my life. I also really like Elder Osguthorpe's talk about teaching. Being a teacher in profession and then at church it hit me strong the pure application the principles he taught have in my every day life. I love the girls I teach at church and always hope that they leave knowing that I have a testimony of those principles and that the Spirit has borne witness to them of the importance of them. I will miss them when I leave.

Tonight our YW and RS put on Women at the Well. It was beautifully done and inspiring. I love the music and the sisters and our girls did an amazing job - a favorite part for me was the great slide show of the pictures of the Saviors life which accompanied each song. Those pictures drew me in, strengthened my testimony and my resolve as I listened to the amazing music. I know how much strength and power music has but I am continually amazed anyway and then being such a visual learner having the pictures there as well was incredible. I am grateful for such a loving and kind Savior.

Communication is a funny thing. Cyndi and I were talking this afternoon, always a great time, about how amazing it is the differences between how men and women communicate. Sometimes I am in utter awe that anything in way of understanding passes between the two sexes, but I am so grateful for the growing that it allows us all to do when we get it right. When as we put the other person first we are able to better see the person how our Heavenly Father sees them and in essence put aside the natural man - one of selfishness and love the person even more.

Talking/Typing

Since Friday I have had some stomach bug where frequent trips to the bathroom were very much a necessity, so not a terrible amount of other work has gotten done around here. Saturday I did manage to grade all my students papers and today I did my laundry, well it is waiting for me to fold - well technically still waiting in the dryer. So, what did I do with my day you ask between trips to the bathroom and feeling incredibly hungry but being scared to eat? Well, lucky for me Rob was sick too. No, I did not share this with him even though he tried to say I did - it is hard to share germs over the Internet. So, after I read my scriptures and turned on my Internet Rob popped up on skype - what a nice surprise, most days we don't get to talk until much later and I like "spending time" with him during the day so I was thrilled (it may not have come across that way seeing how I felt but I was).

So from 9:59 to 3:00 we talked. What do you talk about for that long? Well, life, love and happiness. Well, I really don't know so I looked back. We talked about my scripture reading, being sick (took the stage a lot since I was still running back and forth), my lovely students, cancelling class because of said bathroom problem, jobs, the future, houses, how much we want to spend on a house, marriage licenses, Shelly, my YW and the lesson yesterday, you get the idea. We talked and talked and I loved it. I need days like this from time to time and was grateful he wanted to talk with me too.

I was thinking about life a year ago - it was crazy - I was getting approval to do my dissertation research, doing interviews, taking 3 classes for my MPH program, started two internships and was working full-time. I had so much energy too - I guess you find the energy to do the things you need to do. Today - all I have is 2 classes, I teach 4 classes, trying to be motivated to finish my dissertation and plan a wedding. Why can't I get more done I wonder? I have so much less - well I have much less structure too. Never realized, well probably did but not to this extent, that I really need more structure in my life. This semester has been crazy and I keep thinking I will find my groove and figure stuff out - haven't yet. Barely keep up with my 120 students, two classes I am not fond of, and want to give up on my dissertation every day I sit down to work on it.

I am a list person - I write lists, I add to my lists the things I have already done so that I can mark them off, then I take great pleasure in marking things off. So, when I write on my list "write my dissertation" it just doesn't work - I have tried to break it down to "write up theme one" and well it doesn't help it still feel like there is a ton to do. Someday soon I will just write the darn thing and be done with my draft and give it to my lovely advisor to mark up and slaughter.

So back to talking - Rob and I talked again tonight - what about now you ask after all that during the day? Stuff - the kids, life, surgeries, money, birthday parties, we read Alma Ch 17 and talked about how gruesome the story of Ammon cutting off the arms is, etc. So, now I need to do better talking to other people too - my older sister said so and she is always right so I will try and do better. I am sorry if I am neglecting you.